Here's a picture of my final length @ 22mm. My foot is a little swollen from being out and about. The pin in my toe makes it straight so hopefully when it's taken out my toe will curve down slightly like the toe on my left foot. I fear it will be limp but I've been assured that it won't since my tendon has been adjusting this whole time. Also, I've been putting more and more weight on my foot while still using crutches. It's getting easier to do.
It's a strange feeling having family and friends over and not covering my foot. I haven't been honest with them (the ones that don't know about my brachy). They just think I broke my foot. To this day I don't feel like I can be open about it which is sort of sad; creating this blog feels like a big step. Personally this confirms to me that I would have never gotten over it or embraced it. Even now...do I no longer have brachy because my toe is long? Am I cured? Can surgery be considered a cure if I can still pass it on? Nobody else in my immediate or extended family has it. I'm the only one. I've read about other brachy-people (<--I use this term for lack of a better word, a toe does not a person make) with siblings or cousins or an aunt that have it too. Not me. And honestly I'm not sure having a family member with brachy would have helped me feel any better. Having brachy wasn't my fault but I know I would feel so guilty if one of my nieces got it. They're too young to tell. But if nobody else in my family has it does that mean mine isn't hereditary? Did I suffer trauma to my foot when I was too young to remember which caused the growth plate to close too early? I did have some sporty accidents but nothing major... so which is it? Whichever it is my insurance covered the surgery so even if sometimes I struggle with the "why me?" mentality at least I can see how fortunate I am to be able to get it done and over with. Only I kinda feel like a sell out, like I should have been confident enough to be ok with it. That was never gonna happen. Ugh. Yep this is all the type of stuff that crosses the mind of someone with brachy.
On a lighter note, every time I glance at my foot now I feel like I have too many toes haha! After years of only ever showing the first 2-3 toes in peep toe sandals this is definitely something to get used to :)
Needless to say, I'm so ready for this fixator to come off. There's no pain now, it's just bulky. Reading all the brachy blogs and forums I came across, I found that the average length of time with the fixator on is 89 days with the least time being 64 days and the highest being 110 days. My next appointment is over a week from now so hopefully that's when I'll find out when the fixator is coming off and hopefully it'll be soon! I want to be in that 60 day-ish range ;) Thanks for listening to my rantings.
Your foot looks amazing! Seriously! Congratulations! I think it will take years for us to get over our brachy insecurities, and I don't think you should feel at all guilty about not being able to embrace it, not many of us can, so instead feel good about being brave enough to take the steps to fix it. I'm also the only one in my family that I know of that has had this, but I'm sure that somewhere in the line of ancestors it has shown up. I think the majority of cases of fourth toe brachy are inherited. Anyway, you look great!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words! I feel so grateful to be able to communicate with someone that has gone and is going through the same thing :)
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way!
ReplyDeleteYour foot looks great, I am very happy for you. Today I too felt kind of bad while reading Coping with Brachy blogs. I never gained the courage to just deal with it either so don't feel bad. Please continue to join me on my journey for I can't wait for your next update.:)
ReplyDeleteThanks! I definitely will, it's great to hear from you!
ReplyDeleteIt's been years since you made this glob, I am currently going through brachymetatarsal surgery and I read your blog daily to help me get through it, I know it's silly but it makes me feel like I'm not alone every time I read certain parts of your post. I don't know what I would of done if I didn't find your blog and all the others to help me. This past weekend I gave up and stopped turning because it was too painful and I'm so close to the end but it's so painful and I fell like I can't do it. I find comfort in your blog thank you for creating it. I don't know if you will ever read this but I still want to thank you!
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